Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
