My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
