i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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