WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
