OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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