Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
