My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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