you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
