brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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