Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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