Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
