apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
