I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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