There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
