I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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