Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
