so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
