you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
