OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
