He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
