the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize