i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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