you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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