yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
