and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
