There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
