No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
