you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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