My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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