fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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