we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
