Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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