Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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