just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
