i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
