Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
