and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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