i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
