Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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