The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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