Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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