and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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