please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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