Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Randomize
