I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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