I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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