i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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