In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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