She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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