new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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