im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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