I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
