im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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