he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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