They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize