Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
