They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
