So drunk its hurt
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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