I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
