Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
