I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
