ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
