Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
