my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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