i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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