The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Green mimosas i think yes
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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