I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
