Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
