This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize