well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
