So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
